my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well you can't waste a boner
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize