Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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