Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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