I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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