Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am midnight drunk by noon
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
