you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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