Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
