Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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