I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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