We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
