she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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