Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
