if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize