Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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