U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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