Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
