Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
