And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
