Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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