Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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