I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
soo... how was my night?
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