just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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