Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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