Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
