We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm too high and old for this...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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