Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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