I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's always time for handjobs
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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