omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
