Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
