i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize