I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
