its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
