pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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