How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
where does the pee come out of this thing
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
