"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
