Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You ruined the universe
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize