Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
