the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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