i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
