Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
