Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
