Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
