If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
