what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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