she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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