ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
