Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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