y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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