That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
