Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were trust falling into bushes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
