Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
4 words: hood of his car
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
