Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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