how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
