This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
