Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
