Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
