I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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