do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize