She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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