i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
