he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
