There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
