he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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