Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What a dumb baby whore.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
