i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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