Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
