Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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