I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
