Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
