So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
