this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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