It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it hurts more in the daytime
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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