She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My penis needs a shock collar
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
