I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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